Why can't I hold my tongue?

Why can’t I hold my tongue?

“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.”

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted; That I may learn thy statutes.”

I cried this morning. I was feeling sorry for myself because I keep failing my Lord. I was born with a big mouth and the brains to use it. I use it often to hurt others, or puff myself up, sometimes I just rattle on trying to be witty. Today I sounded like the old me. It was disgusting.

Why do I do it over and over, especially here at work? Is it that I come into this ungodly place and feel the need to fit in? Now I feel like a worm. I feel dirty and slimy; not worthy on a Sunday of all days to worship.

I have been reading and reading the word looking for comfort or maybe forgiveness. I have been looking for someone in the word of God to say “Yeah me too, it’s ok”. Well I did not get that. I got a lot of condemnation instead.

I did wrong. I need to accept that I have sinned yet again, and I need to humble myself and ask for forgiveness. Why is that still so hard? I know he will forgive me and I guess I just want an easy out. I use to get mad at my son in law for saying its ok to cuss and drink because we are already forgiven. Oh how I hated that lousy excuse to sin logic. It made no sense to me and yet here I am trying to slide by on the same concept.

The only concept I should be relying on is that God sent His only son to die a painful, tortured death for me. I need, no, I will do everything I can, which can only be by praying, not to do this again. I will remind myself ever and over again. If I fail again, I will bow to the Lord and not only ask for forgiveness but for the strength and wisdom not to do it again. Practice makes perfect or at least good enough to stand before my savior without shame.